52 Card Mix-up

Sadly, he was prouder of this house of cards than he ever was of his children.

Houses have a long history of being the preferred shelter amongst human beings, with caves coming in a distant second place.  An increased focus on sturdy and durable materials to make up a home began with a little story involving three pigs and the neighborhood wolf with super lungs. Despite that lesson of fragile homesteads crumbling behind a wolf’s breath, a house constructed from playing cards breaks ground every 4.5 seconds of a bored and lazy afternoon.

Building a house from cards has many advantages over building a house from wood, bricks, steel, cheese or what have you.  For instance, you will save hundreds of thousands of dollars on supplies, interest rates and stress balls, but the disadvantages may cost you your mind and pride.  In my experience with regular home construction, when you hit a snag, you turn to your contractor, throw him a pile of money, and say, “You there, sir, make me four walls and roof for which I can sleep in…Oh and hardwood floors with an open concept would be a plus.”  Currently, there are no houses of cards contractors, carpenters, electricians, or even plumbers.  So all the responsibility falls to yours truly.

Sure you think you know how to build a house of cards based on a Youtube video and a basic understanding of playing cards and gravity.  But that means nothing, once you see your creation crumble halfway through the second floor for the fifteenth time.  It tests and destroys your patience.

“You can do anything you put your mind to,” they say.  “When the going gets tough, the tough get going,” they say.  And yes, those are great mottos, but when you are leaving to catch a movie in 30 minutes, they are as useful as a being a season ticket holder for an XFL team.  Here are some of my failed attempts in that half hour.

No, they did not go well, but in fairness, contractors are given months to build a house, while I built multiple unfinished ranch houses in a half hour.  And where’s my HGTV show???

With my back against the wall, and the order of one house of cards running against the deadline of my movie time, I had to improvise. 

Kevin Spacey stars in the Netflix series House of Cards and spelling out his name required an entire deck of cards (including both Jokers).

The K-Pax Man himself.

 And here is my final structure…

It's a starter home.

It’s a 3 bedroom and 2 bath home with hardwoods throughout. It includes windows, a door, but is untested in wolf blowing situations.  Listing Price: $1.25 – a reasonable asking price for a used deck of cards.

Necessary Songs for Home Construction
- "House of Cards" - Radiohead
- "House of the Rising Sun" - The Animals version (or the Nina Simone version)
- "Myth" - Beach House
- "Ace of Spades" - Motorhead
- "Burning Down the House" - Talking Heads
- "Our House" - Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young