Duck Dynasty

Georges-Pierre Seurat's pointillism masterpiece - 1884

The painting technique of pointillism uses small dots to create a larger image.  The incorporation of small individual points serving a greater pattern can be seen in the works of Vincent Van Gogh to somebody alleged on Wikipedia to be named John Roy (who sounds more like an old-timey drink than an artist to me).  These small points can be seen in famous works like A Sunday Afternoon on the Island of La Grande Jatte (pictured above) to Vincent van Gogh's Self Portrait to Necco's Candy Buttons.

Necco's Candy Buttons - delicious.

While many works featuring pointillism techniques now line the walls of museums, the style was originally considered an insult.  Art critics with a lack of imaginative insults penned the term to mock this form of art.  They probably could have completely curbed the technique with a more cutting moniker.  For example, "Circle-cism" and "Dot-tingham Hill" might have been just cheesy enough to stop the movement at it's beginning.

Alas the movement had it's run, and in all honesty makes painting far easier than the usual smoothness of typically painting.  If you make a mistake with your dots, no need to erase.  Just add more dots and leave some blank spots between them to even your painting out.  I really should quit using the term "paint" since I was too lazy cheap hopeless to use an actual canvass and paint.  But the supplies needed to create a pointillism-inspired masterpiece scribbling can be found at any arts supply store.  A couple colors of fine-point ink pens to keep your colors from bleeding are cheap, and easy to use.  By "easy to use" I mean the process of dotting the paper for individual dots is easy.  I can't say that making a beautiful image that stirs thought or emotion like actual art is easy for me by any stretch of that word.

With the culmination of Breaking Bad this week, we saw the pinnacle of the antihero saga play out.  You could probably trace our culture's fascination with stories of amoral protagonists that blur the hero/villain line back to the jurassic age...of audiences wildly cheering for those velociraptors to eat Laurn Dern.  For myself though, the real antihero begins with the greedy businessduck who enjoys a nice dip in his money pool.  I, of course, am referencing Scrooge McDuck.

McDuck is a character that was begging to be drawn.  But how does one capture the essence of a miserly narcissist?  After racking my brain for an eternal 5 minutes, the only logical choice was to mash him up with fellow antihero Kenny Powers.  Warning: In an attempt to channel Van Gogh, I suggest employing the help of a cheap bottle of wine, if there is no Absynthe handy.  Choose a wine that can add a splash of needed color to your work.  As seen below spills are a certainty, if you do not enjoy your $5 wine in a safely locked sippy cup.

And now I present to you Scrooge McPowers...

Scrooge McPowers taking a leisurely ride through his gold-strewn pool.

The most glaring observation from this piece is the uncompleted gold pool.  Sure, I could have spent some more time making dots to make his gold pool look grander, but hand cramps set in.  And I had to put myself on the disabled list (bad news if you took me in your ill-advised fantasy artists league).  The more I think on it, the more I believe Eastbound and Down only has one direction to head, and that direction is toward Duckburg and a partnership with Scrooge McDuck himself.  They truly are two peas in one racistly and homophobically greedy pod.

The accent from the discount shelf wine steals the show here.

You also should notice my faulty knowledge of duck anatomy.  This is on display with my attempts two of his duck appendages.  His middle finger has ballooned to more than triple the width of the rest of his fingers.  I'd like to also take a moment here and ask, does Scrooge McDuck have knuckles?  All of my minute of research was inconclusive.  At least the spilled wine to the left made an appearance on my final draft, and distracts slightly from the mutant finger.

I'm no vet but that duck's toes look severely broken.

  Yes, that is a close-up of McDuck's left leg atop a jet ski, and yes it's difficult to decipher where McDuck stops and the jet-ski begins, and no I didn't mean for McDuck to be a half-duck, half-scrooge, half-jet-ski cyborg, but sometimes your fractions just don't add up you know?  The broken toes aren't one of the more aesthetically pleasing parts of this drawing, but Web(bed Feet) MD cites this as a common side effect of swimming in pools made of gold coins.


Where did McDuck get all these gold coins?  They don't have an easier paper currency or reliable banking system in Duckburg to safeguard his large amount of cash.  Duckburg is in serious need of a few banking overhauls.

In summation, are there bad mistakes in here?  Sure, I've made a few.  And I've had my share of sand kicked in my face, but I'm pretty sure I've come through on this one.  And sure I could go on and on and on and on, but this is honestly the best thing I've ever "painted."  Or as Vonn Mexico (my house elf roommate) wrote in his column in Elf Quarterly, "It reminds one of looking into the face of God and spitting in his face.  Only to then wipe away his tears onto a canvass to edify the souls of man (and elf)."


Recommended Songs for Making Ducks Out of Dots: 
-"Goin' Down" - Freddie King
-"Johnny B. Goode" - Chuck Berry
-"Money" - Pink Floyd
-And whatever this "Disco Duck" is...