Street Tart

Sculptures.  Sitcoms.  Paintings.  Gwen Stefani songs.  Junior High School Gymnasium Murals.  And David Hasselhoff eating cheeseburgers.  All of these are viable entities that have been considered art.  One of the newest and most popular forms of artistic expression comes from the streets.  Stencils and graffiti have pushed the medium of the outdoors to the forefront of the art world.

Using the open air gallery of the street, street artists are scrawling all over the "established" art world elites with their Pinot and their abstract-itude, as well as the world of anti-vandalism police squads with their high profile teepee cases and pie-in-the-sky pension funds.  With the faceless face of street art, Banksy, completing his October "residency" of New York to great acclaim, I thought it was high time for yours truly to enter into the rough and tumble streets of the new art world.

"Nightmare on My Street" - Artist Unknown

I was as surprised as Pee Wee Herman finding out about public indecency laws, when I heard the latest art craze involved the streets.  Like any red-blooded American male I concede that the streets are best used for driving on or dancing in, but for drawing pictures of???  But once I gave it a shot, I can honestly say that I've never experienced anything that came within driving distance of the thrill of adding my vision of a street to a public wall.

"Crossroads at the Fridge" - Artist Unknown

Finally, I had my day in the sun of getting something of mine put on the refrigerator.  Word to the wise (or to your mother ™ - Vanilla Ice): When you choose what goes on the fridge, there is no pride in seeing your self-chosen work there.  This piece represents the crossroads we all face when absentmindedly finding ourselves staring endlessly into this appliance without a clue as to a.) how I arrived here and b.) well I better eat something since I'm here, and hmmmmm, well, umm, I assume carrots and chocolate sauce might mix well, and my eyes feel like they could use the old carrot boost.

I hope you noticed the inclusion of a guitar and shoddily sketched devil (below) in the street work.  I can't verify the truth behind the story of Robert Johnson and his dealings at the crossroads, but I am confident that he would find my lollipop-shaped stop signs nauseating.

"I Make Pot Holes Not Plot Holes" - quote by Steven Shakespeare

The photography is clearly my biggest error in this post, but as you can maybe see - the above shall rest as a "pot"-hole until it is quickly dispatched by wind, rain, SUVs, and roaming packs of wild dogs.  I'm only joking, I didn't let that drawing get destroyed by the elements and canines.  I placed it as a halo above my house guardian and omnipresent mascot Vonn Mexico.

"House Elf and Pot-head" - Vonn Mexico

The final Street art installation from my night residency of my residence depicted my lack of familiarity with the definition of curb stomping.  Yes, I've seen American History X but I have seen far more people just stomp on a curb without a human head being smashed between Neo-Nazi shoe and concrete.  The enthusiastic stepping onto of a curb is how I define a successful curb stomp.  I decided to trivialize memorialize this by capturing a shot of this.

"Stomp the Yard" - Artist Unknown

Songs Meant for Dancing in the Street, That Are Not Named "Dancing in the Street":
- "Positively 4th Street" - Bob Dylan
- "Mainstreet" - Bob Seger & the Silver Bullet Band
- "In the Street" - Big Star
- "Electric Avenue" - Eddy Grant
- "Dry the Rain" - The Beta Band (just because)

Seek and Destroy

Were these ever an actual way to commence a demolition or just another cartoon creation?

Although it's a passing feeling, destruction can satisfy in the moment more than the creation of any one thing.  Sure, building a 20,000 piece Lego recreation of the Death Star results in a sense of accomplishment and pride, but can that really match the momentary high of tossing that plastic Death Star into a canyon filled with angry alligators on a plastic diet?  Since the overwhelming majority of us don't moonlight as the "pushing the down the lever that collapses old stadiums and buildings" guy, the opportunity to harmlessly destroy items comes up too infrequently.

For those reasons, I cannot blame the decorative-squash-smashing teenage hooligans who celebrate Halloween as if it were Billy Corgan appreciation night at the local minor league ballpark.  Instead of getting my kicks by intentionally ruining a child's day like a complete sociopath, I decided I would create my own jack-o'-lantern to then destroy it in a controlled and adult operation......by blowing it up with fireworks or power tools like a professional adult.  This plan sounded perfect at the beginning of last week until I decided realized I missed Halloween, and it was November 1, and also that pumpkin tastes like sauteed mahogany.  Therefore carving and smashing a watermelon would provide much more deliciousness and less embarrassment for the fact that I had missed a predetermined and well-marketed holiday.  I should've really put together that the Halloween marathon I was watching probably meant something other than assuming Jamie Lee Curtis had passed away.

As the old saying goes, when life hands you melons, make - SHARKS.  I carved mine from a seeded and little past season watermelon.  I named him Roger.  He's 13 inches tall, a Scorpio, and his favorite dance is the merengue.

We're going to need a bigger melon.

Clearly he is too cute, and drunk...

If you see a fin in the water, run and save your bourbon.

to mercilessly smash in my backyard.  So to recap here are how my plans for this entry have gone.

First Idea: Carve a pumpkin.  FAIL!
Second Idea: Smash that pumpkin watermelon.  FAIL!!
Third Idea: Buy a calendar and remember holidays.  FAIL!!!
Fourth Idea: Find something else to smash.  FA - at this point I should just give up and go to sleep for the next few months.

So to quench my newfound and disturbing thirst for destruction, I made my way to the KDHK fundraiser Art Attack.  The show involved a bracket-style competition that pitted two paintings against each other with the winner of the always reliable applause-o-meter moving on to the next round.  The loser of each round was then auctioned off to the highest bidder.  If that bid didn't exceed $150, the painting would then meet a grisly demise.  Methods of destruction included your run-of-the-mill smashing, kicking, and chainsaws, but they got creative and also putting the paintings out to pasture with an evil Bob Ross covering the canvass in fake blood paint and a Nickelodeon-inspired sliming.

Proceeds from the event benefitted local public radio station KDHX, while watching the annihilation of art benefitted all involved except the artist responsible for the tattered canvas.

There's some good old fashioned destruction.

This awesome painting of Grover didn't win, but was sold in the auction for $600.  Luckily his new owner seemed legit and had a fantastic sense of humor with his "Relax, I'm hilarious" t-shirt.  You can tell he was a comic savant.

Songs Meant for Destructions

- "Search and Destroy" - Iggy and the Stooges

- "Destroyer" - The Kinks

- "1979" - Smashing Pumpkins

- "When I Paint My Masterpiece" - The Band's version