The Art of Letter Writing

What follows below is an open email letter that I sent out to New York City's Metropolitan Museum of Art.  I also sent this correspondence to NYC's New Museum, the Modern Museum of Art, and the Guggenheim museums (with slightly altered copy) with the attachment of my previous work of "Scrooge McPowers".  My goal in sending this heinous piece of "artwork" was to see if it can elicit an actual art critique or at the very least a terse response of rejection.

 

Hello,

You don’t know me, but I’m your brother.  Michael McDonald sure knew how to sing ‘em.  Am I right?  There I go again boring people with Doobie Brothers trivia.  Anyways, the reason I am contacting you today is because you, as an employee of the esteemed Metropolitan Museum of Art, have a skilled eye for art.  And I recently finished a piece that I think you will be very interested in.

Pop art highlighted the impact of the mass production and consumption of popular culture.  The public self-pimping of celebrities today (i.e. Kardashians) makes Marilyn Monroe;s public image look like Haley Joel Osmont’s.  Commentary on greed in the digital, popular culture age is what I tried to touch on in the piece I am submitting to you.  Which reminds me what’s your favorite color?  Also what color do you think the Smurfs should have been?  Also was it copyright infringement when the Blue Man Group painted themselves blue like Smurfs or was it legally considered homage?

Questions like these are what led me to create “Scrooge McPowers”.   This is my mash-up of renowned greed-hound Scrooge McDuck and self-described poon-hound Kenny Powers.  Since we are on the topic of mash-ups, do you think Girl Talk would make for a good Freemason?  I’m trying to decide if I should recommend him or not, and am looking for guidance anywhere I can find it. 

You seem like someone who likes the painter Seurat, and did I mention that my painting uses pointillism?  So, there’s that.  And really I think your museum could use something like my piece to get the young people dancing again. 

As a New Yorker, have you ever seen anyone dancing in the streets?  Mick and David were singing about it, and the Jets and Sharks sure liked to snap and knife dance in those streets.  In conclusion, I would like you to consider my attached painting for inclusion in your museum, or I would like you to consider dancing in the streets more often.  Either way do whatever you want, unless you want to poison a children's hospital or not respond to my correspondence.  Those would not be cool things to do. 

I look forward to your response.

Yours Truly,

pH

Songs (not yet referenced) for Writing a Soul-Bearing Letter: 

- "The Letter" - Joe Cocker's version

- "Box Full of Letters" - Wilco

- "Hello" - Lionel Ritchie

- "Modern Art" - Black Lips